Sick Too

Posted on July 29, 2010 by brianmpei

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way.” – Charles Dickens

If he hadn’t died over a hundred years ago I would have sworn Charles was following me around for the last month and a half to be inspired to write that paragraph from “Tale”.

I write it this way: I have been a yoyo. Continue reading →

Posted in Confession, Life, Reflective, anxiety attack, getting old, panic, perception, sick, stress, truth | Leave a comment

Sick

Posted on July 26, 2010 by brianmpei

I haven’t posted for a while. My last post, on stress, stressed me out. I’ve been trying to take a little break from living inside my head since at least a few of my problems seem to originate there.

A month and a half ago I would have said I wasn’t in any kind of good shape. Pear is a shape but not really a good one for anything but sitting or doing underwear commercials for fruitoftheloom. But even though I didn’t think I was in good shape I thought I was o.k. for a man at my age and stage.

That was then. Continue reading →

Posted in Confession, Life, Reflective, anxiety attack, death, getting old, hospital, panic, sick, stress | 18 Comments

Where I’m Resting

Posted on July 23, 2010 by brianmpei

Heavenly Father, you always amaze me
Let your kingdom come in my world and in my life
Give me the food I need to live through today
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wrong me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens is now advancing
Invade my heart, invade this broken town
The kingdom of the Heavens is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself to buy the one you’ve found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Keep us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

Posted in Christianity, Church, God, Life, Meaning, Reflective, theology, truth, video | 3 Comments

Do You Have A Stressful Job?

Posted on July 14, 2010 by brianmpei

Recently, my visit to the Emergency room had me answering this question, “Do you have a stressful job?” It was also one of the questions that came up on my other 3 visits as they tried to figure out what has going on with my soaring blood pressure and funky symptoms. I assured the doctor, ahem, doctors, that my job is no more stressful than any other job. A few days after my visits to the ER as the question kept coming back to my mind, I realized that the day I first went in was also a day that had me dealing with some literal life and death issues involving friends, phone calls to police, doctors and others. That single realization was like taking the cork out of a bottle and little by little I’m trying to be honest about the level of stress I live with.

How much stress can a person who only works one day a week possibly be under?

There’s an interesting moment in one of the letter’s in the New Testament where Paul, apostle, church planter, follower of Jesus, is listing all the things he’s suffered as a result of his vocation. He’s not just being whiney. Hopefully I’m not either. The thing is that stress seems to be part of the package and it goes all the way back to the start: a history of 2000 years of stress. Nice.

Here’s what Paul was dealing with: The Corinthian church that he was writing to (contrary to modern perceptions of apostles, authority and the Church) were giving Paul a lot of stick. They questioned what he had already written to them and were even asking, basically, “Who do you think you are?” Continue reading →

Posted in Christianity, Church, Confession, God, Leadership, Life, Reflective, bible college, denial, ministry, questions, reality, religion, stress, truth | 9 Comments

Issues

Posted on July 5, 2010 by brianmpei

I’m on holidays right now. Originally we planned to be in the States visiting family and taking a longer than usual holiday. Last summer our holidays were derailed by the illness of a family member. This summer plans were derailed by my own illness. And while I’m getting better in some ways I’m also becoming aware that I’ve got some issues.

One of the doctors I’ve seen recently asked me if I had a stressful job. To be honest, 3 doctors I’ve seen recently asked me that question. The first doctor who asked was answered, “Not really.” A week into my holiday/rest time and I can now safely say that was not true. I’m realizing that I’ve moved the bar for “normal” so far that I’ve failed to see the obvious. Denial is a powerful thing.

I’m writing this now, in part, because of a dream I just woke up from. Continue reading →

Posted in Confession, Life, Meaning, Rambling, denial, dream, perception, reality, truth | 8 Comments

Hollywoodland part 2

Posted on June 29, 2010 by brianmpei

Josh and I made our way down the Walk of Fame. Our goal was Grauman’s Chinese Theatre and the pickup point for our bus tour. My digital camera was low on batteries so our immediate search was for a corner drug store to pick up some batteries and a quick snack. A few blocks from Grauman’s we finally spotted a little shop and went inside. I looked over the candy and spotted coconut M&Ms. If you’ve never had them and you can find them, buy them. I haven’t found them since but each little M&M with coconut shredded in the chocolate was like a happy dance in my mouth. We also grabbed some batteries, reloaded the camera and headed back out to the street.

The light just changed as we stepped out onto the corner and Josh led the way across. I was only vaguely aware of a large, black man standing at the corner turning slightly right and then left as he stood saying the same thing over and over and over. I was halfway through the crosswalk when his softly spoken words registered on my conscious brain, “Can someone please tell me what corner I’m on? Can someone please tell me what corner I’m on?” I stopped right in the middle and turned back and this time actually saw the man at the corner. He was about 6 feet two inches tall, wide as a ‘fridge and he wore dark glasses and carried a thin, white cane with a red tip. Continue reading →

Posted in Confession, Family, Food, L.A., Life, Reflective, Relationship, hollywood, travel | 1 Comment

Somedays…

Posted on June 28, 2010 by brianmpei

Here’s an amazing video from a great church that we saw on our tour of Hollywoodland!

Posted in Christianity, Church, God, Meaning, coffee, denial, perception, questions, religion, theology, truth, video | 1 Comment

Hollywoodland

Posted on June 24, 2010 by brianmpei

Old Route 66 ends at a pier in Santa Monica. Josh and I walked the pier and the surrounding neighbourhood when we visited L.A. for Spring break. The morning after our surf lesson we cleaned up back at our hotel and then made our way to the Pier where we were told we could catch a tour bus that would take us through Beverly Hills and into Hollywood and back again. If we survived.

We bought our tickets for the tour bus. It was a red, double decker made to look like a bus you might hop on in London. The top was open which was perfect for the sunny day we found ourselves enjoying. At a little shop on the Pier we bought a funnel cake for a nutritional boost after our big surf outing and we carried the messy confection onto the bus and munched while we waited for the rest of the passengers to arrive. After a few more minutes the driver left on schedule but along with three women we were the only passengers. Immediately we were welcomed aboard by a cheery, English voice who launched into an explanation of what we were seeing, block by block, along our route.

The deal was that you could get on or off and back on or off of the bus whenever you liked, wherever you liked and for 24 hours, while the buses were running, you could keep riding. It was really a cheap way to see the city if you had no idea where anything was. We took it all in, pointing things out to each other and keeping our eyes open for celebrities in their natural habitat.

Eventually our route terminated in Beverly Hills and we had to transfer to the Hollywood line. The place we stopped was right by the Beverly Hills city hall. As our disembodied English friend told us as our bus pulled up, it was used for scenes in the Eddie Murphy movie, Beverly Hills Cop. Once we got off the bus I went over to check it out. I looked. And I looked again. And again. It was, well, small. Smaller than what I remembered from the movie. And that started my re-education about Hollywood. Things may appear larger and more important than they actually are. Continue reading →

Posted in Family, L.A., Life, Meaning, denial, movies, perception, reality, truth, tv | 3 Comments

Speaking of Leadership

Posted on June 23, 2010 by brianmpei

I thought I’d revise some old posts that I’ve written and talk positively about what I think leadership in the Church really is.

The Church is one of those Sesame Street deals where “one of these things is not like the others…” There are some similarities, even overlap, with a lot of institutions – ie. government, business, education, medicine and farming, among others. But despite the similarities, the Church is supposed to be the same but different – in some cases, very different. Continue reading →

Posted in Christianity, Church, God, Leadership, Life, emerging church, love, perception, religion, theology, tradition | 7 Comments

Christian Leadership

Posted on June 21, 2010 by brianmpei

While I was reading “Jesus Manifesto”, one of the things that kept coming up was the idea of leadership. There were a few times that the writers seemed to imply that we are more focused on leadership in the Church than we are Jesus. They pointed out the pile of materials you can find at your local Christian bookstore on “leadership” versus the amount of writing or dialog taking place about Jesus.

There may be some truth to that. Even more true, and maybe more to the point, is that many people have been hurt deeply by what people called “leadership” at the time they were hurting.

In the church that I’m a part of we’ve been trying an experiment. Some of us know it, some of us are just unsuspecting test subjects. Continue reading →

Posted in Christianity, Church, God, Leadership, Rant, Relationship, emerging church, jesus manifesto, politics, postmodern, religion, theology, truth, video | 10 Comments